DNFs, Breakdowns, and the Pain Cave That Stays With You

There’s a theme or rather a “place” (metaphorical and physical) that comes up a lot with endurance athletes ... it’s called the pain cave.

The pain cave is that place where you push your body and mind right up to the brink of failure. 

As we all know by now, it’s usually the brain that taps out first. When we think of the “pain cave,” it’s easy to picture a home gym-- sweat pooling on the floor, heart rate monitor tight around the chest, and maybe David Goggins yelling through your headphones about how you need to “carry the boats,” or Cam Hanes reminding you that “nobody cares, work harder.”

I’ll admit it--I love those guys. I’ve bought Goggins merch for my whole family and even referenced his story in therapy sessions (sorry, I’m not sorry). And Cam? The discipline it takes to run a marathon before work is humbling for even the most accomplished athletes. Their quotes are plastered on the walls of our metaphorical pain caves-- they’re our highlight-reel heroes!

The athletes I’ve been lucky enough to work with over the past few years are masters of the pain cave during training. They can visualize their own instagram reels, feed off that “uncommon amongst the uncommon” energy (another solid Goggins quip), and push harder than most people can imagine. Their workout is structured neatly within work calls and kid pickup times. They understand that this pain will end before nightfall and leave them depleted but on-task. 

But this version of the “pain cave” is not what I typically work with athletes on. I get the referral when the athlete experiences a race where they are so far stuck down the cavernous pit of existential pain during the race that they are left with more questions than answers.

Yes, these are typically the athletes who experienced the DNF destinction-- the “Did Not Finish.” They want to unpack the existential crisis that hit mid-race. The moment where the body was tolerable, but the mind… wasn’t.

“How can this be?” they ask, replaying a perfect training cycle. “Why did I have a mental breakdown when it mattered most?”

And here’s the thing: the timing..the total inconvenience of it all-- is exactly why it happens.

As Alex Hutchinson says in his book Endure, pain is multifaceted. It’s not just physical; it’s emotional, cognitive, and deeply contextual. The pain you feel in a race doesn’t exist in isolation... it’s tangled up with the rest of your life.

Endurance events don’t just bring pain; they bring boredom. Hours of monotony let the mind wander, and when it does, it goes digging-- pulling up stressors, fears, insecurities. Suddenly, your race turns into an uninvited therapy session at mile 60.

When those thoughts roll in, athletes usually respond in one of a few ways. The ones who’ve weathered life’s ups and downs-- and done the internal work-- tend to lean on their “why.” That why has to be rock solid. It has to answer how this grueling sport serves them and their families. Because if there are any cracks in the logic, your pain-soaked brain will find them out there on the trail.

If the “why” holds, you’ll probably finish, you might even PR. But if shame, guilt, or insecurity creep in-- and running can’t give you the answer-- finishing can feel impossible.

**Quick shout-out to what I call the “enlightened runner” (maybe Courtney Dauwalter??? Courtney- hit me up! The people need answers!). These folks seem to float through pain without getting sucked into negative rumination. Their why is there but they don’t need to wrestle with it like the rest of us. They’ve got that inner peace, confidence, and support system that lets them move through discomfort with grace. These people are lovely and we can learn a lot from them- but they are few and far between. 

Here’s the truth: you can’t fully prepare for the race-day “pain cave” until you’ve been there, in the race/on the trail. But part of your training should include mental prep too... working with a mindset coach or therapist who understands this sport and is trained in clinical evidence-based work for thought rumination/anxiety/OCD etc. In my humble opinion, it should be built into your training peaks or your whoop, garmin… or whatever fancy device you use that we endurance junkies hold ourselves to. 

TO SUM IT ALL UP: Tackle the messy stuff in your life. Work through the shame, build the confidence, and find that internal calm. Pain is inevitable but with context, you can make sense of it. And maybe even learn to enjoy the cave a little. The physical pain will be there when that headlamp is turned on or you are wading in another river alone in the mountains….but, the mental anguish will be lighter, manageable and maybe not even part of the consideration.